Journal

When you work in the business of boudoir, you see more than scandalous moments. No, I’m not talking about A&T. Instead, I want to talk about what drives people to choose a boudoir photoshoot. Some answers might surprise you. 

Many choose boudoir as a gift for a significant other, some choose to use it as a tool to find themselves, and others do it as an act of intimacy. We’ve discussed before how intimacy and sex are not the same things. Intimacy isn’t what happens in the bedroom; it’s what gets you there more often.

Love and intimacy go together like a sandwich. The people make up the bread, and the emotions make up the content. Those emotions require trust, respect, and care. We all know people who fall in love with everyone they meet, and people who are so cynical they don’t see the good things that fall at their feet. But the three pillars of intimacy might help thaw that ice. 

Connection

One of the most common questions people ask children is, “What is love?” When you think about it, love is a difficult thing to define because people aren’t great at understanding emotions. Brene Brown wrote an Atlas of the Heart to address exactly this. But most times, the answer for kids comes down to simple things. Being thought about, acts of love, a warm hug from a parent. You get the picture. 

Ultimately, love is intimate. An act that starts with connection at the most basic level, and yet one many of us still need to talk about. Today, intimacy feels like a dangerous word. Because sex is such a taboo topic, we’ve used intimacy interchangeably. It doesn’t feel right to consider intimate relationships with people you’re not having sex with. We don’t stop to think about the intimate moments between parents and children that have nothing to do with the perversion of the word intimate. Intimacy is a tenet of the human experience.

Connecting with a person goes beyond texting platitudes and compliments. Instead, connection is about empathy and concern. It’s genuine listening from both parties. It’s the desire to be a compliment to someone’s life, rather than an added complication. Connection is about finding someone who understands you, and giving them the same respect you deserve yourself.

Resilience 

Love is nuanced. What I consider love might not be the same definition another person feels. Individual people have needs their partners may not meet. Emotional and physical needs may not be equal in the pair, and that takes a lot of hard conversations and resilience. 

Fighting and arguments are bound to happen in a partnership. It’s the resilience that keeps partnerships from deflating. Resilience requires deep respect for your partner, curiosity about their needs, and communication about yours. It requires hard conversations and trust that the other person will listen to understand. 

Resilience also requires availability. Prioritizing your relationship shows your partner you respect them. It builds trust and means you maybe get to touch that person a little more often. I don’t know about you, but when I’m pissed, I do not want to be touched. But sometimes, with that person I know I can trust, a simple touch, a simple hug, or genuine care can break through the overwhelm. And damn it if I don’t respect them more for it afterward.

Play

Building relationships as a child required play. We practiced life skills, talked out problems, and found genuine joy. That level of intimacy created bonds with people that elevated trust and support. Whether it was sports or the jungle gym, dolls or mud pies, the experience brought about imagination and creativity. Problem solving and social skills. 

As we age, we move away from play. And while some of my couples still love to tease and joke, others find it difficult to build intimacy through play. In other words, when we quit practicing joy in through play, we lose our aptitude for it. Something that comes so naturally to us as children is lost in the expectations of adulthood.

Couples who play together often find a better connection with their spouse. Whether it’s games or wrestling, sports or puzzles, reintroducing play into your life leads to more intimacy. Being unserious is a good quality to have sometimes. Play makes touch and joy more accessible. Particularly when that touch isn’t expected to lead to the bedroom (but it’s sure fun when it does).

We find that many of our clients who are coming into The GFE Boudoir to celebrate their relationship with themselves experience a new depth in their romantic relationship with their partner because they have increased their confidence and ability to be vulnerable. Many of them come back to the studio with that partner to enjoy a couples session!