Journal

Aside from the obvious physical manifestations etched into the skin, we all have scars we carry. Sometimes, they’re buried deep in our psyche, like wounds that we carry quietly. It’s there in the quiet, dark scars that often shape who we are as individuals. The scars we all carry can sometimes stand between our desire and our perception of safety, but there are ways to step outside the proverbial comfort zone and step into our true selves. 

The uninhibited, joyous, unapologetic, deeply unique person we can sometimes hide behind a veneer is ready to come out and play. It’s our job to help guide our truer self out into the light, to coax joy out in the safe environment we’ve designed. 

Boudoir can help let go of inhibitions and lean into vulnerability. But sometimes you need to do the work before you’re comfortable booking an appointment with us. 

Healing Your Scars by Showing Up for Your Own Life

As author Adriana Locke once wrote, “Scars stick around to prove you showed up for life.” Sometimes scars are a little shiny spot that tells a funny story, or they’re proof you survived some of the most heinous things. It’s when we hide behind those lessons and choose safety over the joy that the scars embed themselves too far into our lives. 

Stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to anxiety, which will cause you to continue with the same routine every day. Do you eat the same breakfast because you know you like it? Do you have a routine you rarely deviate from because the lack of control gives you hives? Fear is where we go wrong. We find excuses or worry about others’ perceptions instead of stepping into the space we’re entitled to take in the world.

Sometimes, we even understand that fear is holding us back, but we can’t figure out how to break away from the fear to help find joy again. Say you want to wear a crop top, but you’re conflicted because of ideas someone else has planted about modesty. Do some research instead. Do you like how others style their crop top shirts? Can you see yourself mimicking the confidence you admire in someone else who is showing up for themself? Sometimes figuring out how to confidently take control of something you desire is the first step in learning more, making it easier to step out of fear and into joy. 

Managing Your Fear of Rejection

You don’t have to be Jia Jiang to learn to manage the fear of being rejected. He may have tested his fear of rejection for one-hundred days, but he learned some valuable things about himself. First, in fight or flight, he was definitely running from rejection. There are a lot of us who feel the same way. Fear of the word no is learned, and yet sometimes, it’s the lingering shame that keeps us tucked comfortably in our own comfort zone. 

Those scars are the dark and jagged ones. The memories associated with them are so vivid that they stop us in our tracks. But what will people think might run through your mind, or no one cares about me, so why should I? 

Friends, these are fallacies generated by rejection and fear. One great takeaway from Jiang’s experience is that even when we’re uncomfortable, so are the people around us. But when we’re practicing vulnerability and kindness, many times, strangers will help. Practicing how to step outside of the box where your fear lives will open opportunities for a freer life experience. 

Embracing the Scars We All Carry

A friend once told me that wearing my scars like armor was only painful for me. She realized I was hiding in uncomfortable, heavy medieval armor, which, instead of making me approachable, made me prickly and intimidating. Some people might want to be prickly and intimidating, but what do your internal thoughts look like to make you so worn against the public? 

For me, therapy helped. But therapy isn’t always the answer, and embracing the scars we all carry looks different in every person. Maybe your internal scars make it hard to trust people, or maybe they’re very negative towards yourself. Setting the heavy armor down and learning to breathe without the weight on your shoulders is a relief. You’ll find that joy you’ve been hiding from because even happiness can be a big, scary emotion when you’ve built a fortress to protect your scars. 

Acknowledging that the scars built you, but they don’t have to break you, will help you move forward. They don’t have to define your every choice, your every thought, and when healed, they can be a memory that informs your future. 

And when you’re ready to break free of the stigma of those scars, we’re here to help you see yourself wrapped in confidence, assurance, and for the true beauty that lives within.