I think the vast majority of the boudoir community would agree that we often hear, "I am interested, but..."(Enter the destination happiness here.)
I lose 20 lbs. I get my boobs done. I have a boyfriend. I gain 10 lbs. After I workout for a few months. When I can justify spending the money on myself. When I get married. After I grow my hair out. Get a tan. These pimples dry up.
We don't have time for me to sit here all day and have me wane on about the somedays I have heard over the course of shooting Boudoir photography in Pittsburgh for eight years.
If you begin to tip toe into having a better relationship with your body the first thing that will come up when you search The Google, will be workouts to reshape, diets to restrict and garments to constrict. I am all for working out and eating as well as you can. Move it or lose it, sister. Foods and movement affect far more than your appearance. Mental health is tied to everything you put into your body as well as how you move it. Sleep habits are impacted. Sex drive is effected. Taking actual physical care of yourself is vital. But what if the relationship you have with your body could be greatly improved by just changing the way you view it?
You are allowed to like your body. Heavier, thinner, curvier, leaner, fuller, thicker, tighter.......
Just because it doesn't fit a norm, someone else' ideal, look like your body 6 years or 6 months ago doesn't mean there is something wrong with your body. You are allowed to like it. You are allowed to like your body and still want to treat it well and accept the changes that come with it. As a woman, your body changes from the day you are born till the day you die. Hell, it changes every freaking month for petes' sake. That is impossible to keep up with. You are not your body. I have as many clients tell me that there are in fact things they like about their body but they feel ashamed to admit it because they don't look conceited or overly confident. The physical implications of shame are numerous. Anxiety. Digestive Issues. Chronic shame can cause increased inflammation and risk for infection. When looking at it that way, you are putting your overall well being at risk because you are either. A. ashamed for not liking your body or B. ashamed for liking your body. Neither is worth it. Neither will get you to that destination for "When..." any sooner. Which brings me to my next thought.....
Timelines are bullshit but timing is everything. Timelines are manmade. Timing is divine. No one likes to hear that everything happens for a reason because it is incredibly hard to understand some of the super shitty circumstances people encounter but there is a lesson in everything. I opened my inbox this morning and without divulging too much of what one of my client's wrote, she said "I can’t explain it, I just don’t hate myself as much. Like, seriously." There is even a lesson in a boudoir shoot and I don't feel ashamed to admit it. It isn't vain for you to say you have great hair or a great ass and it isn't vain for me to say that that I can help you change your relationship with your body while battling my own issues. I have never qualified my people by their sizes or their shape but instead of how they have made me feel so why do we try to measure our own worth by a different standard than by which we measure others?
If you can like something about yourself, you can learn to love something about yourself. There is no actual destination. Well, death. That is the actual last stop. You telling yourself you will be happy or do something "when" is the Mom equivalent of "maybe". We all know maybe is a 95% No but the 5% leftover is just enough hope to keep us going. I can't math but I suspect that if we gave ourselves 95% hope and 5% maybe we'd all be far better off in every aspect of our lives.
Today's lesson. Release the shame. Do your best to forget about timelines. Toss your destination out the window.