Body Images has been sitting on my mind pretty heavily these days. The past few months in my personal life have brought about significant changes and many stretches of reflection. I've literally had days where I wished someone could physically remove me from inside of my head. I am not necessarily thinking about my body but I have thought about the stigma we attach to our bodies or the blame we place on our limbs.
There have been several clients of The GFE Boudoir over the past 6 months whov'e requested their images not be shared. These clients loved their photographs but felt they were too old, too fat, too old and fat, too this, too that, not enough of this….too droopy, too skinny…in essence; Not good enough.
Not good enough. I struggle with NGE syndrome all day every day.
I watched a man slide his arm around of the waist of the woman yesterday. I watched, in awe of this innocent act of affection and smiled. It was beautiful and I was a touch envious. In the same breath, I thought the sensation of a forearm sliding across her flesh must be a magical feeling. Then when I thought about a man bringing his arm around my waist, how he'd only be able to think about is how soft my middle is. Not good enough. Pay no mind to the woman whose waist was being caressed, was much thicker than mine; her companion didn't seem to have an adverse reaction. However, in regards to myself. My thought was instantly, that my waist is Not Good Enough.
This is the same game we play when we get dressed. Hips too big. Breasts not big enough. Thighs wobble. Knees are knobby. Face looks sad. Pimples. Wrinkles. Clothes are too snug, hair is unruly. Weight fluctuates too much. Not good enough. Not enough of the good stuff.
But see, I am not really my stretch marks or that patch of blonde hairs I can't ever seem to shave off my right keep cap, I am not the 3 wrinkles on my forehead, or the thicker than I desire midsection, or my white girl fro that I spend absurd amounts of money to control or any of the broken blood vessels that blemish my translucent skin.
What is crazy about all of this? I loved all the bodies that my amazing clients have shared with me. I envy the tiny women. I love the bodies with curve. I think it is all divine. John Mayer and I think, your body is a wonderland. Truth.
I may be a man on inside, but I've not found a pair of boobs that didn't make me giddy! Nor have I seen ass that wasn't just fanfreakintastic!
I am not my body. You are not your body.
We are so much more than our "flaws".
We limit ourselves when we impose these labels and constantly tell ourselves we are not enough. I can't bring myself to be the photographer who tells you that you shouldn't wait to lose those 10 lbs that you feel plague your existence. If shedding 10 lbs will make you smile brighter or flip your hair or bat your eye lashes more, then you go babe! Don't lose the weight because you think you have to, because you are not good enough. Lose 10 lbs because you should move like you love your body and feed your body like you love your body. Love you more. Perceived flaws and all.